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Want to find me.. I will be at the bar with a glass in my hand, but not eating the nuts... bar nuts are sort of scary.









Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Heartectomy

Something about being with my mother for longer than an hour turns off my heart. For 24-48 hours after seeing her I feel nothing for nobody. Really. Nothing. I am like Spock. It is as if being with her gives me a heartectomy. I can't even feel love for He-weasel. It is always scary when it happens. Happily, my heart always comes back---at least so far it has.” La Belette Rouge

I read this on another blog, and it has stuck with me ever since. This morning I was grouchy, seriously grouchy. The sort of grouchy that can make a small girls’ beautiful, big, brown eyes fill up with tears and hurt. Inside of me is a pressure that I am creating myself. It is the ‘I want a Doris Day perfect Christmas’ syndrome. When, in fact, it is looking more like a ‘Marge Simpson Christmas’.

Mr Dear Husband has done a bunk. He is off running the world and won’t be back for two weeks… just four days before half of Australia arrives on my doorstep. You can imagine how that conversation went…

“Honey, I have to go to Madagascar (made that bit up to protect the innocent) again tomorrow.” He laid this on me about 9:30pm the eve before.

Aha…” My nanna always told me, if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all… But inside my head, I was having a serious wig-out. Visions of stuffing mince pies up his nose danced in my head.

Christmas without resentment. That would have to be the goal for the day. Resist the urge to curl up on the sofa and do nothing. To not eat all the chocolate that has been safely hidden away for St. Nikolaus in three days. I’m thinking I might need one of those poodle skirts that Doris always wore, and some Gwen Stefani Red Lipstick… perhaps that would help my heart to ‘come back to me’.

More important than that, I need someone to reassure me that I have not ordered a turkey that will be too big to fit in the oven!! Might have gone a little overboard, we are 9 adults and 2 children and I have a 7.5kg (or 16 pound) beast being delivered. Too much? What have I done! It’s freaking me out!

pute_roh2



11 comments:

Mumma Lisa said...

You do realise that is more than 2 babies in body weight! Failing that Turkey sandwiches for lunch, fried rice etc! You have Nigella for goodness sakes - ask the goddess!
You put a smile on my face every time I read your post. ML x

Lynda said...

Makes my day if I can make at least one person smile... since I have already managed to make someone cry today... bad mummy

And now, thanks to your wonderful description, I shall never be able to eat Turkey again... all I can see are little babies!

Beth said...

Breathe...and know you are not alone in the resentment, crazed-pressure state.
And if the turkey doesn’t fit in the pan, hack the sucker in half! Would make for a memorable Christmas dinner... ;)

swenglishexpat said...

Another piece of advice, if I may ;-), get the first guests to arrive to help you out. The more the merrier, then again, too many cooks.... perhaps not. Good luck anyway!

Limningedge said...

More advice to add to all the previous good stuff ... through the laughter ... (sorry Lynda, you crack me up - and I need that too)... brew lots of Gluhwein; good Aussies that they are, that will keep them quiet, and throw the chook on the barbie ...

christina said...

Stay calm! Everything will be fine. Less is more and all that. Just do what you can and leave the rest.

I've got a 5.4 kg turkey in the freezer and I know it fits in my oven so your should be fine. Do you have a big enough roasting pan?

oreneta said...

Oh Lynda...I get like that too....

Let some of it go.....better a happy modest Xmas than a miserable fully decorated one, no?

Lydia said...

Aww, cheer up! My husband is in Iraq and I'm stuck dealing with the Out-laws all year! You could try carving the turkey before you cook it; breasts, legs, etc. and cook them separately. Or butterfly the turkey; split it down the breastbone and cook it in halves. Besides, it cooks faster that way. BTW, looove the visual that "visions of stuffing mince meat pies up his nose" made for me. Made my laugh for the day!

T said...

if ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you always must remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is even if we're apart, i'll always be w/ you. - A.A. Milne(Winnie the Pooh)

Lynda said...

Beth: Don't know why.. but I envision you with a chainsaw, hacking my Turkey apart.. and that alone made me smile today! LOL

SwenEng: Honey.. don't believe for a second that those guest will be getting a holiday in this house.. work work work when they arrive. But in the meantime.. I have to get my arse into gear and get them a bed!


Roni: Babe! Booze and Aussies.. like I wouldn't have thought of that.. it is the German contingency that is giving me the willies...my crowd with still be plastered from free singapore airlines booze.

Christine: Yes, I am calm..yep, sure of it.. ok maybe not. Maybe your oven is bigger than mine.. mind if I borrow it for a couple of weeks? ;)

Oreneta: Good advice... let it all hang out. Don't stress... Ooommmhhh ommmm ommm

Lydia: Yep nothing to complain about.. and you have more rugrats than me! We will pull it all together in the end...

Vancouver Isle Doug said...

Hmm, 16 pounds for 11 people sounds OK to me. Gotta have some leftovers.
How sad, I thought, of your quote at the beginning of this post. My mother has been gone for 10 years now and I am grateful every day for the times we had and sad that she never saw me married. (that happened late in life)
A Marge Simpson Christmas could be interesting, no? Go get yourself some blue hair.
Funny posts you have here - I'll have to take some time to read more. Keep up the good work!

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