I’ll set the scene for you:
The Outlaws are about to celebrate their Golden wedding anniversary, and have kindly invited their nearest and dearest (and me) to join them for a lush weekend at a hotel. I pretty much had my bag packed before they had finished saying the words ‘Spa facilities’.
It was planned with military precision. Everyone knew that the Saturday night festivities would begin with a visit to the local catholic church. Traditional in these parts. The Mother-Outlaw had arranged it all so that the priest knew we were coming.
Now, here is were the story went a little awry. This hotel is situated in a small town, 45 minutes drive from the nearest Autobahn, and that is really extreme for Germany. We gussied ourselves up in preparation for the feast after church, slapped on some lipsticks, straightened ties and all looked about as glamorous as it was possible to be (even me).
There was a little hitch when we arrived at the church and found it surrounded by mountains of snow, somewhat of a challenge when you are wearing 6-inch heels, but overcome nonetheless.
The Mother-Outlaw swanned in first. Her full length mink coat pulled snugly up around her ears. This is a determined woman. Without missing a beat, she marched directly to the first pew and sat down. We followed in her wake.
As the church started to fill up, it became obvious that there was a problem. People shuffled past us, peering at us with as much discretion as they could muster. We stood out like sore thumbs. People were bundled up in their snow/work gear. Boots were the order of the day. Flashing diamonds and fur coats were not often seen in these here parts. Turns out we were sitting in the pew usually occupied by the children receiving their first communion lessons.
As we were leaving, my sister-in-law turned to me, we looked at each other and shouted “Dynasty!” The rest of the evening was spent laughing and both wanting to be Linda Evans. Lord knows I would probably be more suited to the role played by Joan Collins, but Linda was so pretty.
I bet we were the talk of the town for the next week.